I can't lose to myself.
But I am.
I'm losing, and I'm afraid.
And then I'm sad, and I'm crying.
And I can't stop myself from going further.
Finally, a way to use the lyrics, "Anijyo, it hurts a thousand times more."
Yet I'm not happy about it.
Calmed myself down, but it's a new cycle over again when I think of it.
Was is because of the panic attacks I had that created this outcome?
That even I studied so much more, they all came a blank all of a sudden?
That when I knew I had read it, that it was somewhere in the back of my mind, I still couldn't remember?
Even if I know it's only the first, I can't help it.
Even when logic and reasoning speaks to me, I can't help it.
It just feels like the end of it.
With turmoil running in my head,
I can't seem to stop crying.
The tears flow, unconsciously, yet I know I have to let it all out.
That as the tears drip, the deep feelings lift.
But even if it happens for an hour, with a little plus and minus,
it's not helping.
And then I'm crying all over again.
It's not working.
