I can't lose to myself.
But I am.
I'm losing, and I'm afraid.
And then I'm sad, and I'm crying.
And I can't stop myself from going further.
Finally, a way to use the lyrics, "Anijyo, it hurts a thousand times more."
Yet I'm not happy about it.
Calmed myself down, but it's a new cycle over again when I think of it.
Was is because of the panic attacks I had that created this outcome?
That even I studied so much more, they all came a blank all of a sudden?
That when I knew I had read it, that it was somewhere in the back of my mind, I still couldn't remember?
Even if I know it's only the first, I can't help it.
Even when logic and reasoning speaks to me, I can't help it.
It just feels like the end of it.
With turmoil running in my head,
I can't seem to stop crying.
The tears flow, unconsciously, yet I know I have to let it all out.
That as the tears drip, the deep feelings lift.
But even if it happens for an hour, with a little plus and minus,
it's not helping.

And then I'm crying all over again.

It's not working.

It's been so long since I had last visited Quainte501. Am still browsing through it.. and I realised.. It is White Day today ! So..

Happy White Day! ;D

In case you don't know.. White Day is some kind of Valentines' Day in Korea .. except guys give the gifts this time and not girls. ;D

We should have this kind of dates, too~ It'll be so much fun. ;x

Today, I thought of the many possibilities and whether I really would want to try it. I guess it was really fated that the song "Here I Am" by No Secrets played when I was bathing. My phone was on shuffle mode, after all. It seemed to me like a wake up call, telling me to go for it, to show that I can do it.

But of course, the friends that assured me and encouraged me cannot be forgotten, too. So I thank ShirYee, and Hilsann. ;D Thank you so much~ For your words and your time. [ I don't know if you two will see this in my actual blog, so I had copied and pasted this here. ;D Perhaps you'll visit, right? ]

And then I've decided, perhaps I'll go and get on with it. ;D Though there are still many worries.. Like, why all the finalists of the 2009 batch look so old.. I'm worried it'll be too old for me, and I'll be like, the young one that dared. Hahaha. And I guess it is a necessity to wear glam. Hmm. Yes, I'm happy wearing super nice clothes, but will there be enough? Probably..


Truthfully, KyuJonggie and YoungSaenggie did participate in it when I re-watched their MTV CLASS UP of 2008. They told the audience to realise their dreams and believe in it. I was hoping it would help me, too. But not really..

It was only until the song played, after all. ;D Am super grateful, though. =] Perhaps I would make the trip there at a later date.. Since it's over 14 March, and I'll have to pay $15 either way. D:

Byee~ And thanks again, to that two great friends. ;D

-x-

Here I Am - No Secrets

Ever since I was a little girl
Ever since I took my first step and said my first hello (hello)
I've been dancing, I've been singing
I've been hoping, I've been dreaming, I've been praying
For a chance to show (show the world)
Show the world
That I can be
Just like the girls on T.V.

Here I am, here I am, here I am
Isn't it crazy, Isn't it wild
Here I am, here I am, here I am
Isn't it crazy, Now isn't it crazy
Here I am

Like a little voice inside my heart
Talking from the very start
Telling me which way to go
Always try, don't give up, if you want it never stop, take your time
If you want to show (show the world)
Show the world
That you can be
Just like the girls on t.v.

Here I am, here I am, here I am
Isn't it crazy, Isn't it wild
Here I am, here I am
Isn't it crazy, Now isn't it crazy
Here I am

feel the fire in me
Isn't it a little insane

here I am, here I am, here I am
here I am, here I am
here I am, here I am
Isn't it crazy

here I am, here I am, here I am
Isn't it crazy, Isn't it wild
here I am, here I am, here I am
Isn't it crazy, now isn't it crazy
here I am, here I am

Yup, what the title says. ;DD ShirYee, JiaJun and I went to Temasek Polytechnic for the Animals & Us Competition. It was really literally a competition, unlike the one we went to at Yishun Junior College. Oh, but the refreshments at YSJC was more than TP. LOL. XD

Anyway.. I have to say we had quite a lot of luck. XD The MCQs were mainly guessing, inferencing, and a teeny tiny bit of knowledge. Seriously. But it was fun nonetheless, and we won third place! ;D

Lucky us~

After that we went back home. ;x Did some stuff before I left house again to meet my mum at Kovan. ;x Walked around and I saw a sign that said something about a singing competition. I stared at it while waiting for my mum to get out of the toilet. =X I felt.. really tempted to go. And I really want to, too. *sigh*

Anyhoo.. after that we went to Compass Point.. Ate there and walked for some time before going home. ;D Reached around...10pm? *shrugs* Not really sure. ;D

So that's the end of the boring day~!

Well.. had a nice talk chat with Miss Tan today, with ShirYee. ;D Haha. Soo.. now that I know she's reading my blog, I shan't fan-rant. HAHA. xD Hmm... Have to complete the essay on 'Silence' today.. and have to hand in the Chinese Situational Writing on Friday.. Hmm.. And a lot of holiday homework. Haha.

So I was going through my files.. Okay, to be exact, the folder that held all my stories. Haha. And.. hmm.. Opened a fanfic after another and I finally found something worth to post up! ;D

"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going."
-Jim Ryun

I used this as a topic for the fanfic. ;D I thought it was a good idea to start that one-shot. But I didn't dare to post it up except in my fan blog because I wasn't sure if I used the quote in the right way. D: Oh well. Haha.

AH! And I found the story that ShirYee and I wrote together! AHHAHAHA. But it's incomplete. We're like, halfway through the prologue and it's stopping there. LOL. What to do.. *sigh*. Written last year and hasn't touched it since.

Okay, believe me when I say my stories are dying.. Like, literally. D: So few are completed and.. Uggggggh.. Where has all my inspiration gone to?!?!

Aigoo. I wasted some marks on my Additional Maths common test! D: D: Aw man.. I don't even know why I'm posting this instead of my blog. Hmm.. Maybe it's because I like this skin better. LOL. Perhaps I should change skin. XD

Anyway.. I'm so relieved it's the weekend! But still.. it doesn't mean I can slack. Hahaha. Though I still have to finish the five library books that I had borrowed.. Oh well.. *shrugs*

I found out something yesterday from allkpop. @.@ All Some Korean entertainments are having auditions for singers, dancers, and CF models. D: I waaaaaaaaaaaaaant! Unfortunately, I can't. T_T Participants are supposed to be fluent in both English and Korean. T_T How can that be fair?! But it's understandable.. Though HanKyung wasn't fluent in Korean at first! And so was Nichkhun. Psh.

I hate to say it, but South Korea is the country that has a high standard for their singers. The netizens from there are scary. Super scary. However, if you really want to develop your career as a singer, that's the best place to go to. Seriously. Their singers wouldn't have much of a difference in their voices from the beginning to the end. That's because they're trained really well. True, they still have changes, but that's only because they improved even more! ^_^

Whereas Taiwan doesn't really have much of a standard, for if you see most of the singers/groups there.. They. Just. Don't. Know. How. To. Sing. For example, take a look at Fahrenheit. Yes, I'm a mad fan of them, but I only liked them for Arron. It has changed now. If you show me a picture of Fahrenheit, I'll cover the rest and stare at Arron. And only him. Truthfully, he's the only one who can sing. Calvin, too. But if you look at the other two... What they have are looks that some people/fangirls like. They. Simply. Can't. Sing. Like, seriously. And their voices changed tremendously. Just hear how they sound like when they first started and compare it to how you hear them now. Big difference. They haven't stretched their limit in learning yet, but they've already debuted. JoKwon was a trainee in JYP Entertainment for eight years. Can you see the huge difference between them?!

Anyhoo.. South Korea has better exposure.. From there, like DoubleS, you could perhaps have chances in Japan and Taiwan at the same time.. And other countries too. *sigh* Though it's also true that the policies there are pretty screwed up. Like the DBSK incident and all.. And 2PM. Seriously can't believe it.

http://sarcasticlyazn.wordpress.com/2009/08/03/dbsk-speak-up/
http://sarcasticlyazn.wordpress.com/2010/02/28/is-nichkhun-being-bullied/#comments

Sad, huh? =/ I would have thought that they would probably be better. Unfortunately. I hope DSP Media isn't that harsh on DoubleS. =/

Hmm.. Why am I talking about this? LOL. But I want it so bad. =[

Yet, I guess I just can't do anything either. =/

You don't know how pleased I am when I come to visit this blog and see that my newest post is my birthday greeting to KyuJonggie♥. I feel so reluctant to have a newer one. D: Haha.

-

Soo.. I was bored and yet I don't have anything to do... except study for Chinese. Thereforee.. I shall do Miss Tan's online assignment! ;D I hope the irrevelant parts of the post wouldn't need to be in perfect English, complete with the whole no-smileys set. ;x Hahaha.

Anyhoo.. I shall get on with it! =D

-x-

Task:

1. Write down the things in life that matters to you and how you can make your days count even more. (1- 2 paragraphs, in complete, standard English)
2. Write down, in a paragraph, who you are thankful for- it can be a parent, a sibling, a cousin, a friend, a teacher, etc- and why you thank your lucky stars for this person/persons. You can be creative and write a poem if you want. This is not for CA. :)

-

1) The things in life that matters to me are my family, friends, and perhaps life itself. Even when we're at the age of 13, or 14, it feels like time is very short. Anything can happen and if we don't grasp it well enough, we would probably miss out a lot or not do what we're supposed to at all. Though we've been told that we're "still young", I doubt that's true. In fact, I think that no one's "still young". As long as we mature and have some sort of knowledge, we'd realise that life is never too long. Thus, life is cherished. Families and friends are both important roles as they accompany you through thick and thin. They'd be with you down the path of life, even though at some point, they might not be there anymore. However, I think the most important thing are our families. For without them, we won't be here, and we won't have anyone to support us, care for us and love us.

To really make my days count, it's important for me to work hard. After all, if there's no pain, there's no gain. Even one minute of life shouldn't be wasted, although that's rather hard to control, especially since there are many unexpected results. However, if I could, I would do my best not to waste too much time. Of course, playing and having fun is essential, for what good will it do if you aren't happy? I would also follow my dreams and be what I want to be. Though it would only happen if I dare to do so..

2) I am thankful for my family to be there. As mentioned above, I wouldn't be here without them. I wouldn't have made it through without their support and the cosy shelter they gave me. I wouldn't have made it through without their constant concern, love and care. I wouldn't have made it through without my mother's constant nagging, my father's long talks on specific topics, or my brother's hidden concern. I wouldn't be what I am today, if it weren't for their upbringing. And so, I'm happy and thankful as ever for them to be with me.

-x-

families. a constant role in your life.
families. an essential part of your life.
families. the special part of your life.
families. the only true love of your life.

-x-

Okay~ I had no inspiration writing today. HAHAA. Or you could say that the tests tire me. We had six tests this week. That's about a test a day, except four of these tests were tested today. D: I'm going to bang a wall anytime soon.. Anyway, I've managed to finish this! ;D Wow, it's already 11.45pm. Hmm.. Sleeping soon~ Aigooo, I haven't read up the last bit of my Chinese yet! D: Guess this took too long. =/

Alrighty, shall go now. ;D Even though I haven't ranted yet. LOL.

Annyeong!♥ Goodnight&&sweetdreams! ;D

P.S. Am I the only one who posted this up?!?! O_O I went to the others' blogs but.. most of them just don't have anything up yet. Omfg. You have got to be kidding me. D: